As I get ready for bed, I can't help but think about my experience at church (The Great I AM Faith Center) this past Sunday. My Pastor gave me this scripture and told me it was time to truly forgive myself as he prayed over me and brought up the fact that God knew that I wake up every night to check on and stare at my child. It was such an out-of-body experience I can't remember word for word but I remember the main details. Now, what I can't stop thinking about is the fact that when I first became pregnant/had Alice I spent so much time working and doing overtime so that Alice could have everything in the world and I didn't realize how much time I was missing out on with her until November 15, 2017 when I found Alice unresponsive in her crib as I was getting up to get ready for work and the guilt of how much time I would've missed out on with my baby has been haunting me ever since. God really worked a miracle that morning and gave me a second chance with my baby girl but I haven't had a single good night's sleep since that day. There are nights where I wake up in full-fledged tears reaching for Alice to make sure she is breathing but every night is just constant waking up to check on her. On a good night I wake up about 3 times, on a bad night I wake up at least once an hour. It has been torture, and until now only a handful of people knew about my sleepless nights. The guilt of being an independent, working mother who was too busy "Working for her daughter" instead of spending time with her still plays a heavy part in my parenting guilt. But my Pastor, who I've only known for a few months and who had no idea this ever happened to me, knew exactly what to say to me. God used him to pass that message on to me and I am just in such awe! The past 2 nights I only woke up once during the night and have felt more at peace. The first time I walked into that church I thought "I grew up in a heavily Catholic house and that never did anything for me" but man, the changes that have been happening in my life since crossing paths with this Church and the people I have met have just been amazing! Thank you all so much! Love you!

FROM THE HEART OF LADY DEBORAH . . .I AM THANKFUL FOR . . . Pastor Mel & First Lady Beverly Silas of The Great "I AM" Faith Center in Los Angeles, California. This Great Man & Woman of God are truly compassionate about their ministry and the people of God and they practice what they preach! I know, because we met several years ago when they took time out of their busy schedules to call and counsel and pray with me. When they were done praying, my spirit was completely renewed! GLORY!!! It is refreshing to meet people of God in leadership positions, who are genuine. My faith encounter with Pastor & First Lady Silas that day is still in the forefront of my mind and I have not stopped following their ministry! JEHOVAH-SHALOMOne Lord, One Faith, One BaptismAgape Love & Kingdom Blessings, Lady Deborah

Talk about divine appointment, my family and I are very blessed to have Pastor Melvin and Lady Beverly Silas in our lives. They have and continue to love, teach, pray and pour into us in so many ways. God is so Good. He sent anointed prayer warriors in my life that loves us. Humble servants of the Lord. We are located in Twin Cities, Minnesota and that definitely is a distance from Los Angles, California, but the love of Christ has no distances. We love and appreciate you IAMFC! You Rock for Jesus. Glory to God Almighty =) Ephesians 4:11-16: So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

I first want to say thank you soldier you and your wife for being real, and never changing. This ministry has been a blessing to me and my family and ministry, You and your wife has always been a man and woman of faith and has always walk what you have taught. You man of God and your wife have never turn your back on me know matter how far i have ever fallen. You and your wife a true examples of LOVE, when it comes to love your brother. I thank GOD for the both of you, and from the bottom of my HEART thank you for always being there for me, being my friend, my brother but most of all my SOLDIER. Love the both of you. AMEN

In my despair a voice told me to call Pastor Mel. Even though he was miles away I just knew that I needed him to help me, pray with me comfort me in my time of despair. I don’t remember how often i talked to him but I do remember him telling me after a couple of days to remember to eat and drink.To be sure t take care of myself. In that moment something came over me. I think it was the Holy Spirit through Pastor Mel and I felt that with his help and prayer I could and would get through this. I got up, took a shower and went to the nearest grocery store and purchased some juices and water which is all I could tolerate. Each night I would hide under the blankets and after talking to pastor Mel I would find the strength to put one foot in front of the other. My daughter in law flew to Vegas and helped me pack up everything and we began the long car journey home. I touched based with Pastor Mel on the road and once I’d returned and he kept reassuring me that I did not need to know the answers why. That God has a plan and the answers would one day be there for me. I took faith in every thing he told me and he was right. I kept praying for direction and a few months later my husband and I started to talk and re hash what had gone wrong with us. We continued to pray together, which is something we had never done before, we went to marriage counseling and we have reconciled and are better than we ever have been. Without the guidance of Pastor Mel I truly don’t know where I would be. His guidance to keep moving forward, not to dwell on what has been and not to try to find the answers, continues to give me strength. Pastor Mel and his wife Beverley’s constant faith has helped to keep me on track with prayer. One thing I read that Pastor Mel had written was if you are confused about where you are and where you are going follow Jesus and you will end up in the right place. And be with the right person as you travel there. How true those words are! I know my story is part of my life’s journey and I have asked for forgiveness but I do believe that God places you in touch with the right people to guide you and I truly thank Pastor Mel for his help along my way.