Hello March!

Hello family!  I can’t believe we are almost at the end of the first quarter of 2023.  First, I want to apologize for being late on the monthly blog posts.  Where do I even begin?  Being vulnerable makes me uncomfortable and anxious.  I’ve been struggling with hormonal changes that have me bedridden. Getting up is exhausting to the point that brushing my teeth is all I can accomplish when I don’t have the mental and physical energy to do anything.   

Am I the only person who just doesn't want to do anything right now? Before anyone comes at me with just praying more, praising more, worshiping more and getting off the “I” and “me” soap box, I am a lover of God. I believe in the power of prayer, praise, worship and servitude but it shouldn’t be a checklist. God wants your heart. Prayer, praise, worship and servitude should be done with a cheerful heart versus a to-do-list otherwise it becomes work versus faith.  Jesus and only Jesus can offer salvation.  My prayer, praise, worship and desire to serve God is not the issue.  So is this a faith issue? 

Has anyone ever told you, “You just need more faith?”  But how many of you hide behind your faith to numb yourselves from hurt, pain and disappointments?  I raise my hand.  How has that served you?  It only sank me into a deeper hole of despair.

What if it’s not a lack of faith but instead having faith to be honest about your hurt, pain and disappointments? I can guarantee you, God cares about your emotions.  1 Peter 5:7 reads, “ Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”  God doesn’t want you to put on a false facade and push down your emotions as irrelevant.  He just doesn’t want your emotions to control you.  I say it’s not a lack of faith, but having faith that you can go to Him with your brokenness.

“The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:17-18 NIV

As I wrote in the beginning, I’m struggling with hormonal changes as I’m aging.  Time is precious and it can’t be purchased.  I’m starting to realize how true the saying is “Time is more valuable than money.”  My emotions are all over the place with the hormonal changes with that comes the reality that some of my hopes and dreams are closing in and becoming farther from reach because time is not on my side.  How do I reconcile knowing this much less even writing this down on plain tablet?  So I cast my anxiety on to God, because He cares for me.  Instead of hiding behind my faith to bury my emotions, I cried out to Him because He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Was I instantly healed of my hurt, pain and disappointments? No. I’m still processing but what I do know is that God is with me and He is holding me close to Him as I navigate this season. How many of you hide when life has dealt you a hard hand?  God doesn’t want you to hide behind the trees like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.  He wants to see you. He wants you to hear His voice.  He wants you to bear your deepest pain, desires and hopes with Him. I hope this post will resonant and offer you some comfort knowing you are not alone when you say, “I just don’t want to do anything right now.”  That doesn’t suggest you are lacking faith.  That’s the Holy Spirit signaling you to run to God.  Run to Him and bear yourself naked with your hurt, pain and disappointments and know His heart is breaking with you. God hasn’t forgotten about you. God sees you. God knows you. God hears you. God cares for you.  God loves you.